If I ask any of you ‘Is your church welcoming?’ I am pretty sure you will say yes but is that really the case? Do you welcome the family with an additional needs child? Or a screaming baby? Or who arrive late? What about the family that only appears every other week? The single parents? Those new to church? How about the person who sings loudly and off key?
Several recent experiences have led me to reflect on this, not just for myself who will go to church whatever the welcome, but for those families who may be thinking about making church part of their life.
The first experience was a personal one. Having looked up the time of a service online I turned up about ten minutes before that time and heard from the outside, the obvious signs that the service had already started. Disappointing but even more annoying I couldn’t work out how to get into the building so had to go away. Would a family return to try again? I doubt it. Check your web page this is where people get their information from, make sure it is up to date, that if there is a special service that is signposted. Then think about your entrance. I know it might be a bit cold to have the door open during worship, but this is by far the easiest way to say ‘we are open, come in!’. It also means your worship spills into the area close by. If you can’t do this make sure the entrance is marked along with instructions e.g. pull/push. It is also worth having someone keeping an eye on the door for anyone loitering, they may just need a little encouragement to come in.
The second experience was relayed to me by my son’s partner. She isn’t a committed Christian but is obviously looking for something. She attended a carol service at her local church (they meet in a range of locations including a pub as they don’t have a building). She enjoyed the service but got the distinct impression that everyone knew each other and although they were welcoming enough when she arrived she still felt like an outsider. Do you do this? When new people attend are they left on their own after the service? Do you only talk to the people you know? Does anyone ask the name of new people? Or ask about them? This can make such a difference as feeling the church is an open community encourages people to keep coming. Belonging is so important to people. There is a difference between being chatty and encouraging to being intimidating and some people have the natural gift of doing this important work, but we all need to try: just watch what you are saying.
At Christmas David and I went away to a cottage in Devon, so were away from home for Sunday and Christmas Day. On the Sunday we went to Exeter Cathedral which was fine – they are used to people who come for one service so have the welcome set at what I would consider a suitable level. For Midnight Communion and Christmas morning we decided to attend the church local to the cottage. Now the actual church is out of action as the building keeps shedding lumps of masonry into the church, so the Midnight Communion was in the local ‘Victory hall’. Ok so this wasn’t the best location and atmosphere wise, although they had tried, it really didn’t feel particularly sacred. The flashing Christmas tree lights didn’t help. When we arrived, we were given books without a ‘good evening’ or ‘welcome’ and entered the hall. There were about 150 chairs out and I was optimistic that the full space would make it feel worshipful. However, there were only 22 people thinly spread around the hall. A smaller more intimate set up, perhaps in a semicircle around the table would have been much more worshipful. People nodded greetings to one another, but no one came and asked us anything, not even during the peace. The following day the service was in a meeting room at the back of the church. There were 14 people. Again, we were not asked anything or made to feel our presence made any difference to them. How many times do we do this? We are so wrapped up in who we are that we are not open or aware of who is present, and the difference they make to the worship. If we had been a family with children, recently moved into the village, there is no way we would return. Churches do this all the time. Everyone assumes someone else, usually the minister, will talk to new people but ministers need help with this, they can’t be in more than one place at a time, and it is all our responsibilities to welcome new people, encourage each other and build the community, remembering it never stays the same and should be an evolving, living thing. Look around on Sunday. Are there any new people? Does your congregation reflect the community around the church? Who isn’t there?
Finally, a positive story. In 2018 we went to Wales for Christmas. The welcome we received in the local church was genuine and we felt part of their community for the short time we attended, people remembered our names and asked how things were going. It can be done but has to be intentional.
Sr Joy Raynor
Provincial Youth and Children’s Officer
